BY ADAM QUANDT | The Statesman
Director: Ari Novak
Length: 88 minutes
Genre: Action & Adventure
Netflix rating: 1 out of 5
My rating: 0 out of 5
Over the past year I’ve watched some terrible movies.
Movies like “Killer Mermaid,” “3-Headed Shark Attack” and “Christmas Icetastrophe,” but nothing could’ve prepared me for the piece of crap that is “Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs.”
I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Between the horrendous acting, elementary special effects and the absolutely awful plot line, “Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs” is a movie not even the director’s mother should be proud of.
The film tells the story of a small mining town in Montana and how members of the town must come together to fight a horde of dinosaurs that somehow survived in a mineshaft for however many billions of years.
There’s not much more to the film other than that. Sure, there’s your typical “long lost love interest” story, the “evil guy from a corporation” and the “badass hero.”
Other than that, the movie is filled with stupid one-liners that you can’t help but laugh at for all of the wrong reasons.
For example, at one point in the movie the badass cowboy hero (think Chuck Norris in “Walker, Texas Ranger”), Val, shoots and kills one of the dinosaurs. Following the kill the camera zooms in on him and he simply smirks and says “you’re history.
The first half of the film doesn’t feature near enough dinosaurs, although the second half definitely makes up for that. However, the dinosaurs in this movie are just another thing to laugh at.
The animation used to create the dinosaurs is atrocious. All of the dinosaurs run around like they’re on speed, meth or some other dino-drug.
The only thing worse than the animation on the dinos in this film is the acting.
First of all, the female characters in this movie were all pretty much the same person—young, blonde and not so intelligent. For some reason they all had boyfriends who were in their 40s. It’s almost like the entire female population of the town had “daddy issues.” Just plain creepy.
Then there’s the issue of the dialogue between characters. The entire film is just a long string of really dumb one-liners and forced, extremely fake emotion.
There’s really nothing good about “Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs,” other than being able to laugh at how bad it is.
I know I’ve said this before in past reviews, but skip this film.