BY EMILY NESS | the Statesman On a hot summer day in June, Esera Tuaolo was sorting through a box of keepsakes when he found a letter that he had written during high school to his future, adult self.
Among the hopes, dreams, and ambitions Tuaolo had tucked away with his secret, he heard the echo of the words that he had written: “I hope that your life is better than what it is today, and I hope that you will be happy.”
Reflecting on this letter today, nearly twenty years later, the now 45-year-old former NFL Player was brought to tears. Tears for the lonely and incomplete young man that he once was, and also tears of joy, relief, and pride for the man that he is today.
A Samoan who grew up in Hawaii, Tuaolo’s family lived in a hut with a dirt floor. Football was his ticket beyond dirt to greener pastures, providing him with everything that he needed. Football provided Tuaolo with a college scholarship, the opportunity to be drafted into the NFL, the chance to buy a house for his mother, financial security, the opportunity to travel and much more.
Tuaolo’s NFL career lasted nine years with five teams, including the Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Jacksonville Jaguars, Atlanta Falcons, and Carolina Panthers. During this time, Tuaolo would go down in history as the first player to sing the National Anthem, the first rookie nose guard to start all sixteen games, and the last player to tackle John Elway in his storied Hall of Fame career.
Despite his success, Tuaolo was keeping a secret - a secret that prevented him from being happy. That was his sexual orientation. For years, he had been hiding the fact that he was gay.
In his book, titled “Alone in the Trenches,” Tuaolo states: “The dream to succeed in the NFL and achieve all that football had to offer was at times a nightmare. I struggled to survive the combative, macho world dominated by a culture that despised who I really am. It’s rough down in the trenches, where linemen weighing more than three-hundred pounds hurl themselves at one another in brutal hand-to-hand combat, but it is nothing compared to the pain I kept buried inside so I could play out my dream”.
In 2002, two years after retiring from pro football and sixteen years after writing himself that letter, Tuaolo came out on national television.
No gay player has ever come out publicly while active in the NFL, but four are known to have done so on their own terms after leaving the game. Those four retirees include Tuaolo, David Kopay, Roy Simmons, and Wade Davis.
On April 12, 2016, The University of Minnesota Duluth welcomed this pioneer, Tuaolo, to share his story.
He opened his story by singing a meaningful rendition of Christina Aguilera’s “I’m Giving Up On You,” bringing the audience to tears.
This song played a monumental, almost autobiographical, role in the journey that he shared with the audience.
“When I was a little, I watched a kid get beat up on the playground for playing dolls with the girls. The kids beating him up called him gay. At that time, I took the child that all of us have within us and put him in the closet and shut the door,” Tuaolo said.
It took him years to finally take a stand.
“To be able to connect with yourself is an amazing thing,” Tuoblo said, recalling the day that he came out on live television.
“When I heard myself say the words, ‘Esera Tuaolo is gay,’ I took the child that I had locked in the closet years ago by the hand and led him into the light... Now that I am out and feel complete, I have come up with a tagline, ‘Hate In Any Form Is Wrong.’ The goal of this tagline is to help address the issues and minimize the negative impact that hate has on our society, especially with today’s youth and bullying. We want to educate and bring awareness to the bullying epidemic that is sweeping our nation,” Tuaolo said.
Now living back home in Hawaii, Tuaolo has come full circle. He is complete, happy, and the proud father of twins.
“It’s all about love,” Tuaolo said.